As parents, we always want to set our children up for success, not failure. We also need our kids to follow directions and do as we ask. But giving your child instructions as though they are an adult sets the stage for mistakes. These can lead to arguments, frustration, and temper tantrums.
Remember, what may sound simple to you may be less clear to your child. Here’s how to give clear directions in a kid-friendly way to avoid overwhelming your child and adding to your own frustration.
Keep It Simple and Specific
When you give your child directions, state only one thing at a time with minimal extra information. Too many details overwhelm your child and sets them up for failure. Break down directives into step-by-step, specific instructions. As your child gets older and becomes more familiar with what you’re asking, then you can state things more broadly.
For example, don’t say, “Bring down your laundry.” Your child may not know that that means they’re supposed to strip their bed, pick their clothes up off the floor, put it all in the laundry basket, and bring that downstairs. But if you give your child a long list of instructions all at once, they may begin to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the task in front of them.
Instead, tell your child to do one thing at a time. Say: Strip your bed and put the sheets in the hamper. Once they’ve done it, tell them to pick their clothes off the floor and add them to the hamper. Finally, tell them to bring the hamper to the laundry room.
Tell, Don’t Ask
Remove “can you” and “would you” from your vocabulary. When you use these phrases, it opens the door for your child to simply say, “no.” Telling your child what to do instead of asking doesn’t mean you have to sound demanding or rude. You can still use a kind tone of voice and say please. Just make sure you’re also giving a direction, not making a request.
Instead of: Do you think you could clean your room?
Say: Go clean your room, please.
Avoid Guilt Trips When Giving Directions
Guilt trips make everyone feel bad. According to the Academy of Finland, children may internalize feelings of guilt, leading to lifelong problems. One study found that when parents used guilt-inducing parenting on one day, kids remained distressed and angry into the next day.
Do any of these sound familiar?
After all I’ve done for you, you can’t just clean your room?
I spent hours slaving over dinner and you won’t eat your vegetables?
I guess I’ll just clean the bathroom myself since no one else will help out around the house.
If you were raised by a parent who used guilt trips, you may find yourself using them yourself. But there’s a better way. Try saying.
It’s time to clean your room.
You need to eat your vegetables to grow big and strong.
Help me clean the bathroom, please.
LeadYouth Uses Science-Backed Teaching Methods
At LeadYouth, we work with our child psych advisor, Dr. Krishna Chari, to help us practice kid-friendly communication techniques grounded in positive psychology. Whether we’re working on building their confidence, developing emotional intelligence, public speaking, or leadership skills, we’re using science-backed methods that set your child up for success. Start your LeadYouth membership today.
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