Parents have a lot of different jobs. You have to be a chef, chauffeur, maid, leader, cheerleader, and… you also have to be a teacher. As a teacher, you have to give your child constructive feedback. Constructive feedback helps your child get better grades, be confident in the face of adversity, and develop a resilient attitude.
For example, let’s say your child asked you to listen to a speech and help them practice. While it’s clear they’re trying their best, there’s a lot that could be improved upon. How you give your child that feedback can make or break their confidence.
Step 1: Think Before You Speak
The golden rule: treat others how you like to be treated. This rule should guide all of the constructive criticism you give your child. Imagine how you felt when you were a child and you showed an adult something you had worked really hard on, only for them to say something hurtful. Before blurting out everything that your child could have done better, take a moment to think about what you want to say.
Step 2: Choose to be Positive
Now that you’ve taken a moment to think about how you’re going to present your feedback, don’t jump right into the negative. Build up your child’s confidence first with some positive comments. According to researchers for the American Psychological Association, you should give around six positive comments for every negative one. Keep this in mind before you give negative feedback. Compliment what your child did well, as well as the effort they put into the project.
Try saying:
“It looks like you put a lot of hard work into this.”
“This must have taken you a long time!”
“I loved the way you stood tall and projected your voice.”
Step 3: State Your Feedback Clearly
Don’t be wishy-washy or lecture. Once you’ve said something positive, move into constructive feedback in a clear and concise way. Don’t say: “If you had elevated your language, you would be viewed by your audience as a more credible authority figure in your field of expertise.”
Instead, opt for: “With all the big words you know, I think you can use stronger word choice in a few places. What if you said “elevate” instead of “grow” in this section here?”
Think Like a Coach When You Give Constructive Feedback
Give feedback from a place of kindness and compassion, not judgment. You want your child to feel safe when they work on their school projects with you. If you make them feel judged or as though they’re bad at what they do, they’ll be less likely to ask you for advice in the future.
While your goal is to have your child listen to your feedback without getting upset, that’s not always possible. If they do start to get frustrated, remind them that you’re not the enemy and that you’re trying to help them. Ask how they would prefer you tell them your ideas.
Try saying:
“I know how frustrating it is to work so hard on something and have it not go well. Just like you, one time I…”
“I know how important it is to you to do well in this class.”
“It must be really frustrating to hear you need to make changes when you’ve already worked so hard on this project.”
It can also help to share advice from others, like this post on how to Show Up Confident For Your Next School Presentation.
Boost Your Child’s Confidence in the Face of Adversity with LeadYouth
A leader has to be able to absorb and process negative feedback and then act upon it without becoming defensive or losing their confidence. As a future leader, the sooner your child learns to handle negative feedback the better. After all, no one goes through life without hearing constructive criticism.
At LeadYouth, we believe that by teaching public speaking, leadership, and emotional intelligence, we can help our children grow into outstanding leaders who are ready to tackle the world’s problems. Learn how LeadYouth can help your child become a confident leader and public speaker today.
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