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Writer's pictureLeadYouth

Is Your Parenting Style Helping Your Child Build Resilience?


Young girl pushes from between two rocks, showing the resilience required to tackle obstacle course.

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.” - Benjamin Franklin


In a world where technology makes most things instantly available, you might find that your child is becoming easily discouraged when faced with a challenge. Do they become frustrated and give up if they can’t get the answer to their homework right on the first try? Does your child become sullen if they lose at a game? Resilient children are able to bounce back when they face failure. Instead of giving up, they continue to try until they achieve their goals. 


If you find your child is not as resilient as you had hoped, you can work with your child to encourage persistence in all situations. 


Step Back & Support

We cannot raise resilient children by conquering obstacles for them. Instead, as parents, we have to step back and foster independence in our children. When your child faces obstacles, don’t micromanage. Let your child lead the way as they work out a solution to the problem. If they seem hesitant to take the lead and look to you for guidance, encourage them by asking simple questions about the very next step. Don’t ask, “What should we do now?” Try asking a less overwhelming question by restating the goal and asking, “In order to achieve [goal], what is the very first thing we need to do?”


If you have reservations about your child’s plan, don’t point out mistakes. Many children find this discouraging, particularly if they aren’t resilient to begin with. Try asking about solutions to the problems you foresee happening. For example, “If [problem] happens, what will you do to fix it?”


Incorporate Resilience into Play

Children of all ages connect with stories and experiences that feel relatable. Share examples of resilient characters from movies, books, or real life— like athletes, entrepreneurs, or activists. By doing so, you can help your child admire people who fail at first, but never stop trying. If your child becomes discouraged about losing a game, encourage them to try again by praising the effort they put in and emphasizing how much fun they had and taking the focus away from whether they won or lost. 


Praise Effort, Not Success

If your child is only rewarded when they achieve a desired outcome, they’ll quickly learn to prioritize easy achievements, never stepping outside their comfort zone to try something new. As parents, we can avoid creating this trait in our children by rewarding how hard our children work, not the achievement itself. If we praise our children’s hard work no matter the outcome, they’ll learn to keep trying to achieve their goals no matter how many attempts it takes. Impress upon your child that persistence in the face of failure is what leads to long-term success.


Resilient children grow into high-achieving adults who can handle the challenges of demanding jobs, like that of a lawyer, CEO, or doctor. At LeadYouth, we believe that our students will grow up to be leaders who can make a difference in the world around them.

 

Practical Tips for Parents Who Want to Raise Resilient Children:

For Ages 8 to 12

  1. Encourage problem-solving: When your child faces a challenge, ask, "What do you think we should do to fix this?" to promote independent thinking.

  2. Celebrate effort, not just results: Praise your child for their hard work, such as, “You did a great job trying your best on that project!”

  3. Model resilience: Share stories of overcoming challenges, showing them that setbacks are part of growth.


For Ages 13 to 16

  1. Support growth through failure: After a setback, ask your teen, “What did you learn from this, and how can you improve next time?”

  2. Set achievable goals: Help your teen break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps to build confidence and avoid overwhelm.

  3. Encourage independence: Let your teen solve problems on their own, offering guidance only when necessary, to build resilience through experience.



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