Middle school is an environment that seems designed to promote conformity. When you’re a middle schooler it can feel much easier to go with the flow instead of challenging the status quo. However, it’s important for our children to be assertive and stand up for what they believe in so they don’t get caught up in activities that don’t align with their morals or values.
As they grow, the ability to be more assertive will help them become leaders in school and work. Leadership experts Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner teach that the best leaders Model the Way, which means they “create standards of excellence and set an example for others to follow.”
Here’s how to teach your child to be a leader, not a follower.
Role Play Potential Challenges
It’s much easier to stand up for yourself when you know how to handle unfamiliar situations. Use your imagination to create scenarios in which your middle schooler has to stand up for something. You can also look for ideas in the plot of movies and books. Talk about how your child, or the main character, could have stood up for themselves, for others, and for their values. Be specific. Ask kids to brainstorm different phrases they could say to improve the situation and what actions they can take if their words aren’t listened to.
Build Their Assertiveness Toolbox
Every child has a metaphorical “tool box” filled with “tools” that they’ve learned over the course of their life. For example, they know to call 911 if there’s an emergency and to “stop, drop, and roll” if there’s a fire. But do they know what tools to use if they’re in a situation where they feel pressured to do something they don’t want to do?
This can include ‘I’ statements, like “I feel hurt when you make fun of my hobby,” or “I am not going to steal that.” They should also have a list of go-to phrases to tell someone to stop what they’re doing, whether they’re a friend or a stranger. These can be as simple as “please stop” or “knock it off” or “what you’re doing is not okay.”
Show your child that they have a support network. Make sure they feel comfortable telling you anything and make a list of teachers, counselors, and friend’s parents they can go to if they ever need help.
Model Assertive Behavior
Demonstrate what it means to stand up for what you believe in. For example, instead of bemoaning the poor nutrition in the school lunches, join the Parent Teacher Association and advocate for change. If you see someone doing something wrong, step in and model respectful but assertive ways to tell them to stop.
You can even get active in your local politics. Instead of just complaining about the lack of a stop sign at the end of your road, bring your child to town meetings and show them how to create the change they want to see.
Be More Assertive with LeadYouth
We teach our learners how to be great leaders–leaders who are assertive, respectful, and stand up for what they believe in no matter the situation. If you want your child to develop the skills and self-confidence to stand up for their values and for themselves, enroll them in our Leadership coaching course.
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